


Switch

by She_comes_to_me_when_I_dream



Category: Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco, Ryden - Fandom, Ryden AU - Fandom, rydon - Fandom
Genre: AU, M/M, Panic! at the Disco - Freeform, Ryden, Rydon, fall out boy - Freeform, ryden au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-30
Updated: 2017-04-07
Packaged: 2018-07-11 03:26:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7026634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/She_comes_to_me_when_I_dream/pseuds/She_comes_to_me_when_I_dream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A good old cliche body switch fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This fic is not real and it never happened. I claim no ownership to anyone in it.

Switch

 

KRISTEN

 

I should be waking up right about now. That's what normally happens when I get these kinds of dreams. Brendon Urie doesn't usually kiss me before I regain consciousness. He usually is just about to when I wake up. I'll go with it though. This is a nice dream.  
His mouth is very nice. Feels pretty real for a dream but again, I'm not complaining.

No. No. Now it feels too real. Like it's actually happening in real life, like this is not just a dream.

I feel the warmth of his body pressed against mine. It's too hot for a dream. Everything I am feeling is too sharp to be a dream.

I curl my toes in the sheets, half in pleasure and half to test what is going on. These sheets are way nicer than mine. I don't think they are mine. I have to be dreaming not be in my actual bed right? Maybe I went out last night and I just forgot about crashing at Sierra's house after we got back but how? I don't think we did anything last night and she doesn't have sheets this nice either. I don't think I even know anyone with sheets this nice.

He's not kissing me anymore.

I open my eyes.

"Morning Ryan."

Ryan? 

Wait.

Why is my hair brown instead of black?

Ouch. Pinching your side really fucking hurts. That probably means that this isn't a dream. That and the fact that I can feel the outline of my ribs under my skin and that it's obvious I don't have boobs anymore.

How?

I look at the alarm clock that I barely make out the time on behind his head. 

10:55am.

I look away. 

If the number is different I am dreaming and it's one of those annoying dreams where you can't wake up even if you want to.

I look back at the clock face.

10:55am.

Shit.

How the hell? This can't be real.

I'm not Ryan Ross.

I'm Kristen. I'm nineteen. I just graduated high school a year ago. I live in Arizona. I was supposed to join Fall Out Boy's road crew in a couple days, a job I still can't believe I landed. How the hell did I get a roadie job like that? (Not that it didn't take long enough with the paperwork and security and shit you have to deal with to get a job moving amps or lights or whatever.)

I was just screwing around in my mind when I was messing around on tumblr last night. I didn't go out last night. I was binging netflix and putting off dealing with more packing for the next couple of months. 

I saw that stupid gif of the shooting star that people wish on and rave that works that comes around every couple months on my dashboard and had an "Apparently I am still fourteen moment." I was like "lol what if I wished I could switch bodies with Ryan Ross?"

So I did. 

But completely jokingly.

How the fuck did it actually happen?

_ _ _  
Meanwhile In Phoenix, Arizona...

RYAN

 

What kind of weed did Brendon buy?! 

He must have got a really bad batch.

Holy shit.

Why am I a chick? I am clearly so high right now it's not even funny. I am high even though weed does not make a person hallucinate. 

I am high. That's all that's happened. I just have to tell Brendon never to buy weed from whoever he bought it from again.

Just need to go back to sleep for another hour or so and this strange mirror reflection in this weird bedroom that isn't Brendon's or even in LA will go away.

Should wear off by then.

I close my eyes.

_ _ _

Shit.

That's not my iphone that jars me to consciousness. 

It's been going off for I don't know how long now. I think I'm just in denial. I can't force myself to open my eyes and look in the mirror across from the bed.  
But I have to.

When I finally do the reflection hasn't changed.

Fuck.

Long black hair that is frazzled from sleep. Light blue eyes. White skin. Freckled face.  
What the hell is going on?!

I'm a crazy person.

Body switches do not happen. They don't. This isn't some sci-fi bullshit universe.

Shit here I am though.

And that damn phone that’s someone else’s won't stop ringing.

It's an android too. I'm lucky that when I pick it up that whoever I am now doesn't have a password, just a fingerprint for the lock screen. The lock screen is me by the way. Not my favorite photo that was ever taken of me but not the worst one. The number calling me is my iphone's number.

I repeat: What the hell is going on?

I slowly put the phone to my ear after making myself answer it on the last ring.

"Hello?"

"Thank God! Finally!"

Oh. That's my voice.

"God Mr. Ross, I have no idea how the fuck this even happened! I'm so sorry! Like what the fuck even happened?! I didn't think that stupid shit on tumblr was gonna work! I didn't even want it to-"

"What the hell?! Who are you?! What the hell are you talking about-"

"I'm Kristen Ashmore. I honestly didn't think that it was even gonna work-"

"What?!" I demand again. "What the hell are you talking abou-"

"The stupid shooting star gif on tumblr! Oh my God those idiots weren't kidding when they fuckin' said it really worked. I had a stupid fourteen year old moment and wished to switch bodies with you and fuck, how is that even possible?! It was just a joke! It wasn't supposed to fucking work-"

My frantic voice cuts off and is replaced by Brendon. Was she just telling me that a fucking tumblr gif caused this complete violation of everything that is right on this planet?!

"Whoever the fuck you are, I don't what the fuck you and Ryan are doing but it's not fucking funny anymore-"

"Brendon."

I have a female voice but my tone right now is so unmistakably me that he stifles.

"What the fuck is going on?" He asks shakily.

"Fuck Bren, I don't fucking know?! I swear to fuck I must be high right now-"

"I'm not fucking high. Ryan is right here next to me and he's not hi-"

"Bren. I am Ryan. I don't know who the fuck is next to you right now. I don't know who is in my body-"

"This is really not funny." He wavers. He just doesn't want to believe me but I can tell he's starting to.

A pause that is way too long happens and then he says "I'm going to ask you both a couple of questions that only Ryan would know the answer to and if this is some stupid prank you two have put together I swear-"

"It's not a fucking prank Brendon." I snap.

I hear my phone go to speaker. I hear Brendon ask her three questions that are so obscure that I would definitely be the only person who knew the answers to them. Three questions I definitely wouldn't have thought to tell anyone the answers to ahead of time if this were a prank.  
Of course she can't answer any of them and when Brendon turns off the speaker and repeats the questions to me and I answer them all correctly I can tell it has finally sunk in for him.

For all of us.

This actually happened. I am in the body of some girl. 

She is in my body.

I can tell by his voice as he tells me they'll call me back that I'm not the only one who is about to throw up.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The bedroom you're gonna be in is downstairs so come on." He tells me and then starts down the hallway.  
> I follow as he starts listing the rules I guess.

2

 

RYAN

"Hello? Hello?! Fucking finally!" I snap into the cell phone I have been waiting by for at least a half hour. How long does it take to go be sick?! I was finished in five minutes.

"Ryan, what do you want to about her? Do you want her to get a room somewhere-"

"No! I don't fucking want her in a hotel! I don't want you letting my body out of your sight Brendon! She's gonna have to stay with you until we can figure out how to switch back-"

"I'm gonna have to find the gif again and we're gonna have to be in the same place," Kristen is now talking over me, "and you're gonna have to make the wish because it's not gonna work for me a second time because I didn't see it by chance-"

"I know! I know!" I cut my own voice off. This is so messed up. "Brendon, fuck, you need to keep her at your house. I don't want someone running around LA in my body. And when you fucking go by my house with her to get more clothes and my shit for Band Camp do not take my phone with you. No photos of my house! My studio is off limits, I don't want her in it and shit, how the fuck am I gonna perform at Band Camp if she's in my body?! I had plans to unveil some new stuff-"

"I'm a roadie for Fall Out Boy." She interrupts again. "I'm supposed be at the Band Camp Festival in the desert with them for the next few days Ryan. We'll make the switch then. But you need to finish packing for me and go with the rest of the crew tomorrow-"

"Give me the details later, okay? Just put Brendon back on." I tell her. I am anxious to get back to making sure Brendon does not let her wild in LA or in my house under any circumstances. I can't have her getting into whatever bullshit fans would want to get into if they were me.

The speaker goes off and Brendon comes back on the line.

"Fuck!" It just hit me that she could have had sex with Brendon as me. Fuck. I'm sure that's the first thing plenty of fans would do if they were me. 

"Brendon, did you have sex with her?!" I blurt out before I can stop myself. I feel my heart pounding as I wait for the answer. It wouldn't have been his fault if he did. He wouldn't have known it wasn't me but I can't help but feel jealousy and disgust pulsing in my veins.

"What?! No! I mean I kissed her a little bit when I woke up because I thought she was you and fuck," I hear his voice fade somewhat, the phone is being moved away from his face, "how old are you?!" He asks Kristen, panicked. She's a roadie. She has to be eighteen, right? Shit.

"I'm nineteen. Chill. And if you can hear me Ryan, I didn't bang him. I told him as soon as I figured out I wasn't dreaming." I hear in the background.

Relief hits me like a truck at the fact that she's nineteen and that Brendon didn't have sex with her. That means I can take a shower when I get off the phone without feeling like a massive creep. I threw up enough that I feel like I need one. At least I can get back to telling Brendon what bullshit is not allowed.

"Brendon."

"Yeah?" His voice is back loud and clear and way less freaked.

"No cellphones at my house. I'm serious here. I am not messing around. I don't want her getting any ideas about emailing herself pictures of my house or certain things of ours in my bedroom. When you get my crap from my studio she is not allowed in it. If you think you can't keep an eye on her and keep her out of shi-"

"Ryan, we have shit in my bedroom too-"

"You better not have her sleeping in your bed Brendon, I don't care if she's in my body, I swear to-"

"Ryan. I wouldn't have her in the same bed as me, what the fuck? But I have to keep an eye on her. Where do you want me to-"

"Have her stay in the guest room. Have her sleep on the couch! I don't care. I'm sure she'd be thrilled either way to even be in your house. She doesn't need to be in your bedroom."

"Ryan, calm down. I agree. She's not gonna be in my bedroom. We'll just hang around my place until we go to Band Camp-"

"You're gonna have to stay with her on the way there and she's gonna have to stay with Panic! until we make the switch."

"I know Ryan. It's okay. I told you I won't let her out of my sight. I'll call you tonight after Kristen tells you everything you need to do today. I gotta show where everything is in the house."

"Okay." I really don't want to get off the phone. I also really hate that there is nothing I can do until I get to the festival in a few days.

"Just email me everything I need to get from your studio Ryan. It's going to be fine."

"Brendon-"

"I love you Ryan. Seriously, it's going to be okay. You're gonna be you again before you know it."

_ _ _

KRISTEN

"Oh my god! Dottie!" 

We just got off the phone with Ryan and I almost bend down to pet Ryan's dog but I stop short. She ran up to me as soon as we opened the door to leave Brendon's bedroom. I feel like I should be asking permission or something.

"Go ahead." Brendon is rolling his eyes. He has clearly read what I am thinking on my face. "She's not gonna like it if Ryan stops paying attention to her all of the sudden. Especially three nights before he leaves for a music fest. I have to get Ryan's clothes that he brought over here a couple days ago anyway. Don't leave the hall." He disappears back into his bedroom.

Thank God because this dog is so much cuter in person than she is on Ryan's instagram. I squat and scratch her behind her long ears and end up hugging her after she puts her front paws on my shoulders. 

"Aw Dottie. You're so cute!" I start stroking her back with one hand. "You're too cute. This shouldn't be allowed." Soon she has her fill of "Ryan's" attention and trots off cutely down the hall, tail wagging. Brendon still isn't back so I admire the art hanging in the hall and a couple of really couple-y photos of Brendon and Ryan that I haven't ever seen before. They're sweet.

It's probably good that I finish looking at them a good thirty seconds before Brendon hands me Ryan's overnight shit. I think I have enough that is making me look like a massive creep considering the whole "I wished to switch bodies with Ryan Ross and it somehow worked" thing. I don't need to be caught staring at ryden photos that were never released by Ryan or Brendon.

"The bedroom you're gonna be in is downstairs so come on." He tells me and then starts down the hallway. 

I follow as he starts listing the rules I guess. 

"Don't think you're gonna be slick and take one of Ryan's shirts or something, I know what's in that bag he brought over here. I counted. You do not leave this house under any circumstances. You're stuck here as my fucked up roommate for the next two days. Since you're stuck in the house, I don't care what you eat but don't drain my liquor cabinet. Just because you're in Ryan's body does not mean I'm dealing with you if you get shit faced."

"Get rekt." I intone before I can stop myself.

Brendon stops dead in his tracks halfway down the stairs and turns to face me. "You think I'm fucking around with you?"

"No, of course not. Sorry. I was just kidding."

He looks at me for a long moment; then continues down the steps. "Stay out of my bedroom, it's off limits. Stay out of the storage closets. I have expensive music shit in there. Stay out of my office. Don't be stealing shit from my house. Ryan knows where you live. If I find something missing after we fix this, I'm sending the police after you-"  
At this point I have to defend myself. I know I look like I'm that creepy but I swear I'm not that creepy. "I'm not gonna steal from you or anything like that. I can't even believe that stupid gif-"

"Yeah I get that, most of you guys are normal and like us in a normal way but how do I know you're not one of crazy ones?"

"Fair."

"Just stay out of where I told you to stay out of and don't get piss drunk or stoned off your face. And don't steal from my house or from Ryan's shit. Okay?" He stops in front of a door in the short hall off the open kitchen and living room. He throws it open. "Here's where you're staying. Bathroom's at the end of the hall. Use the new toothbrush we keep in there just in case someone crashes here without notice. I'm sure Ryan would probably be weirded out by you using his even if it is still his mouth. Dogs will probably bug you all day because you're in Ryan's body. You need to follow me to the studio so you know where it is in case you like set something on fire or something because I still have to work. Ah shit, please don't set my house on fire."

_ _ _

"Oh shit, I think Ryan's into your clothes."

Brendon's a lot more chill than he was a few hours ago. But I can understand why he was the way he was. I would be the same way if I were as famous as he is and had to put a fan that was a complete stranger up in my house. I'm surprisingly a lot more accepting of that fact that this bullshit that put me in Ryan's body has occurred. I mean dude, I am staying in Brendon Urie's house! Ha, ha, this would make for some killer accuracy in fan fiction if I was still fourteen and wrote it. Now I just read it.

The remains of a huge pizza are on the coffee table between the two sofas we are sitting on. He passes Ryan's cellphone, which was confiscated from me after I left his studio for the main house this morning, to me and on the screen Ryan has text a photo of me from my phone. 

"He looks better as me than I do. How is that even possible?" He really does. He's got some of my more vintage items on and he has made me look like he did during "Pretty. Odd." which yeah, was my inspiration for buying a lot of the vintage items that I have. Still though, I can't ever quite get the Ryan-ness right no matter how hard I try when I get dressed. It is always not quite there. "Damn, I am aesthetic. Tell him he needs to wear that tomorrow when he meets the rest of the roadies."

"I'll tell him you don't mind him playing dress up." He laughs. "I have to call him anyway."

"Dude, he can play dress up in my clothes anytime he wants."

"I'll be sure to tell him." He gets up to leave and I take my cue to leave too.

"God, I'm gonna take a shower." I get not even halfway out of the room before I am stopped.

"Hand the phone over and shit, I can't believe I am saying this but actually I can. Don't be doing any weird shit in there. Don't be checking out my boyfriend. I'm timing you. You have 15 minutes. I'm obviously not gonna come in there but if you're not back here by then, I'm beating on the door until you come out of there."

"Yeah okay." This time it's me who laughs. Dude has nothing to worry about. I wouldn't feel right doing anything like that in someone else's body without their consent. It would be a total violation. He didn't consent for me to do anything in his body. "I promise you that's not gonna happen. I wish I could get that across in another way than just telling you.  
It wouldn't be right."

_ _ _

 

RYAN

"I saw you playing dress up Ry."

"Shut the hell up. She actually has some nice stuff."

"Ryan, you actually own a leisure suit and you have like a hundred floral shirts. Of course you would like the clothes you were wearing."

"Shut up. Where is she anyway?"

"Shower."

"In my body?"

"Chill. She's a chick."

"In a guy's body."

"Ryan. She's still got a chick's mind. They do so much shit in the shower that she's not gonna being doing anything-"

"She's a chick that's a fan of mine-" He can't have forgotten that. Remember that list of bullshit that fans would like to get into if they were me for a day I was talking about from earlier? What we're talking about but not saying is on it.

"Ry, I gave her fifteen minutes. And I'm in the hall by the guest room. She's not getting anything done in fifteen minutes."

I note the time and reluctantly drop it. She has to shower. I'm not going to look gross at Band Camp.

"Ryan, I promise you she's not doing anything. Now she told me to tell you to wear what you were wearing in the picture you sent. She also said you could play dress up in her clothes any time."

"Shut up."

"So does her place look as hipster as it does in the photo?" He asks.

I snort. "It's a one bedroom studio in downtown Phoenix. Really old building. Lots of exposed brick. She's got a shit ton of glass bottles and jars in her windows. That answer your question?”

“So you fit right in?”

“Fuck off.” I ignore him. “She's got a good vinyl collection though. And she actually has the player for them."

"I'm sure she'll be happy to know you approve Ry."

A minute of silence passes. "I'm gonna miss you tonight Ryan."

"I'm in some strange apartment. How do you think I feel?"

"I know babe."

"I can't wait to get my body back."

"I know Ry. And guess what, she's out. With three minutes to spare. I told you she wasn't doing anything."

"Well that's one crisis averted. How's Dottie and everyone?" I wonder if she has some sixth sense that it's Kristen in my body and not me.

"I have a feeling Dottie will be sleeping with you tonight."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, Penny followed her around all day too. You know Bogart though, he always stays with me."

"Yeah."

I hear the beep that means low battery. 

"Shit, I don't want to go Bren but I have to charge this thing."

"Alright. I love you Ryan."

"Love you too."

I hang up.

My first night as not me. This is gonna be a long one.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm at Ryan Ross' house. I'M AT RYAN ROSS' HOUSE! I’ve only ever seen it on google maps!

3

RYAN

I don't look nearly as good as I did yesterday. I obviously didn't sleep that well last night because I'm not in my own damn body. I couldn't even try to convince myself I was in some hotel like I always am on tour because I'm not in my own body. I felt even worse thirty minutes ago when I woke and it was set in stone that this was in fact real and every last hope that I had it still could have been a fucked up dream was crushed.

I'm glad I "played dress up" as my idiot boyfriend called it yesterday. I had to do something to keep from crawling out of my skin or her skin or whoever the fuck or whatever the fuck and anyway, what I had on yesterday from what I found in Kristen's clothes is gonna have to do. It's an old turquoise 70s shirt with small brown florals, black jeans and a tight black vest.

I have to snort to myself when I affix the dark brown 70s headband around my forehead and then reach for her make up bag. It's from Jac's line of stuff. Jac. Damn, that was a long time ago. 

It's still a good thing I left it out of all her luggage last night before I went to bed in case I felt like using it this morning. I definitely need the make up to cover my lack of sleep so I start to work with the light foundation and concealing the dark circles under her blue eyes. After that, I give her a little bit of eyeliner and gloss because fuck it, I am not getting fancy with the make up today. I'm in no mood. 

The alarm on her phone goes off warning me that it is 6:30am and time to leave for the bus lot. I quickly shove all her make-up shit back into Jac's make-up bag and shove the thing into the front pocket of her suitcase. I don't even struggle to get it shut again because I have dealt with packing tour suitcases so much. I admit that even if I don't want to because she's the one that got us into this, that I do feel kind of bad she's missing the first day of her first tour. I've done it many times so it's pretty routine. It's definitely still cool that I still get to tour and be a musician but it does become more routine than your first or second time out there after a while. Just because you're part of the crew and not the main act doesn't mean that the first tour isn't a really big deal.

I know I've gotta get out of here, crew's leaving for Band Camp out in the desert at 8:45 and she told me to get there no later than 7:15, but I still walk through her apartment, her cellphone in my hand, opening drawers and cabinents, looking through everything, making sure I didn't forget to put anything that was on the list on the phone's screen in her bags. I may not know her but I guess I'm doing it because I want her to do everything she needs to do for me so I don't make a fool of myself at the fest and because I know how annoying it is to get on tour and then realize you forgot something essential when you're already a state over from home with three months of travel ahead of you. Habit maybe.  
When I've done this twice, I heave her huge red duffel bag that is filled to capacity over my shoulder and grab the rest of her stuff and I'm out the door, locking it behind me.

_ _ _

KRISTEN

"THERE YOU GO, WIELDING A BICYCLE CHAIN! OH WHY WON'T YOU CHANGE?! CHANGE AND BE NICE-"

I stop belting Morrissey so fast upon opening the guest room door it's not even funny. Brendon's right there. I'm honestly surprised anything could make me stop singing because dude, I have Ryan Ross' voice. Holy shit. And then there's the fact that even though this whole body switch thing is still going, I still spent the night in Brendon Urie's house! Holy shit my friend. Holy shit indeed. I gotta remember to comment on how nice the sheets are in his house.

"I see you got into my Morrissey CDs." He says.

"Leave me alone. I was only singing." I fire back.

"Cute." He narrows his eyes at the lyric reference. "Except you've been taking like five hours to get dressed. You're actually out doing Ryan."

"Maybe you noticed that I am done and was on my way out to you and one, I'm not used to having to figure out how to get a dick into pants comfortably, how do you guys do this everyday-"

"You should have thought of that before you wished to switch bodies with a man." He smirks.

"And two," I don't even respond to the comment, "If I'm gonna be seen in LA as Ryan Ross even if it's only in a car, I need to look good and three, even with Ryan's make-up I always pegged you to be the one who takes too long to get ready to go out."

"What?!"

"Sorry, I don't make the rules." I smile innocently at him.

"Ryan takes forever in the morning! Way longer than me. He has to have everything a certain way before he'll get out from in front of the mirror."

"I've seen you coordinate your hoodie to match your shoes or whatever in photos Brendon. Come on." I point out.

"Let's just go and get Ryan's shit."

_ _ _

I'm at Ryan Ross' house. I'M AT RYAN ROSS' HOUSE! I’ve only ever seen it on google maps! We just pulled up by Ryan’s car and holy shit, I can see the moat. The moat is there! It's behind a bunch of overgrown hedges but it is there. 

"Ryan doesn't do much landscaping does he?" I remark as I shut my car door.

Brendon just looks at me.

"Oh my God, the moat!" I should not enjoy the fact that we have to cross a bridge to get to Ryan's front door as much as I do but seriously, the moat. The moat! 

"Wow sorry." I am suddenly struck with how awkward I'm being. "The bridge is cool though."  
Heh. Heh. I wonder if Brendon has ever carried the boyfriend across it. Wow, I am so happy I didn't say that out loud.

"You don't leave my side while we're in here. Ryan will have a fucking fit." Brendon warns me while he's unlocking the door. "And if I tell you to stay somewhere you stay there."

"Dude. Chill. I know the rules. I'm not gonna fuckin' steal his shit or anything. And I don't have a phone so I can't email myself photos or whatever you guys said-"

"I'm fuckin' serious. Ryan doesn't really want you in here anyway but I couldn't leave you alone at my house and I can't leave you out here and risk you having to talk to someone or have you messing around in his yard-"

"I'm gonna be talking to people at Band Camp. As Ryan."

"You know what I mean Kristen."

"I do know what you mean."

"Then don't tell me to chill."

We enter the house. It is so hipster. The amount of hipster this house is doesn’t hit you in Ryan’s Instagram photos like it does in person. Per the rules, I follow Brendon as he begins walking through the rooms. We cut through the living room and pass the kitchen and I instantly remember an Instagram post about Ryan being the type of trolling asshole who would lick all the icing off all the cupcakes. It happened in that kitchen and Brendon was probably the one bitching about Ryan eating only the vanilla buttercream off a cupcake.

“You stay out here.” I don’t even get the chance to get one foot into Ryan’s studio but I respect Brendon’s order. Ryan doesn’t want me in there. It’s not my business to be in there. I’m not one of those people who tries to like get on stage and tackle band members when I’m in a mosh pit or one of those people that posts gross comments to band members’ instagrams or whatever.

I’m perfectly content with seeing Ryan’s studio from outside the door. Brendon begins packing instruments and sound equipment, checking the list Ryan emailed him every few minutes while I just admire the greatness that is Ryan’s studio. He’s got a lot of rugs in there and a very heavy looking and elaborate wood sofa. I can see Dottie’s cute as hell doghouse off in the distance in his backyard through the windows. And I can’t help but notice the French records that Ryan always seems to have playing in the background of vines when he’s in his studio doing something by the player.

“Hey can Ryan actually speak French? I’ve seen someone say Ryan is fluent.”

“Kind of. He can understand a lot and he writes it okay in like song verses so I guess.” Brendon answers me as he picks up a couple of guitar cases. “Okay, you need to follow me back out while I move this shit.”

That’s what we do for a good ten, fifteen minutes. Every time he makes a trip to the studio I trail him. Every time he goes to the car with something, I follow him. When he finishes we move on to Ryan’s bedroom to get his travel stuff. It’s the same routine. I only see the room with its heavy mission furniture and disheveled bed from the doorway. Brendon and I go back and forth from the bedroom to the car again and again. On the last trip Brendon locks Ryan’s door behind us and my visit to Ryan Ross’ house has come to a close. How sad.

“Ryan probably won’t like it that I am getting food while all of his shit is still in the car and probably really won’t like it that I am taking you out in public for longer than you have to be but fuck, I am starving and you can’t be at my house alone so fuck it, I am going to In and Out.”

“Fries animal.” I intone.

“Just don’t fuckin’ talk or anything when we go through the drive thru, you know?”

“Ryan’s lips are sealed Brendon. You gotta relax. Though I can’t promise you Ryan’s lips will be sealed when I am tearing into those animal fries.”

“Don’t start talking in third person.” He starts the car down the hillside.

“Technically I’m not Ryan. Remember?”

“Don’t talk in third person “Not Ryan.”

“Aw, now I don’t have a name anymore?” I mock pout. “I’m just “Not Ryan?”

He looks at me out of the corner of his eye. I can tell he’s fighting back a smirk.“You’ll be whatever I call you.”

“Ooh big man.” I sass. “I’ll be whatever he calls me. I’m shaking in my boots. That’s how intimidating you are.”

“You know for being “Not Ryan” you’re being just as annoying as Ryan.” The smallest smile tugs at the corner of his mouth.

“Good, means I’ll be in character when I talk to everyone at In and Out.”

That gets him to look directly at me.

“I’m just joking. What did I say about relaxing? You gotta chillax man.”


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Is this supposed to be this tour’s roadie prank?”

4

RYAN

Pete is so lucky that the artists and their road crews stay in their respective buses in a barricaded area during this festival. No way I'm camping in the desert. Half the people who come to Band Camp don't even do that. They stay in the hotels about thirty minutes away from here and come back every morning and hang out at the festival all day. Only the hardcore people actually take part in the camping part of Band Camp. There are in tents everywhere and if I would have had to stay in one for the next couple days instead of in a bunk in an air conditioned roadie bus I would be tracking Pete's dumb ass down and demanding better lodging. I don't care if I am in the body of some roadie.

I gotta be around near the stage to move some amps and other sound crap in a couple of hours and since I'm in the new kid's body I got a massive lecture on how to move and set shit up properly. I think after being in a band for as long as I have, I know how to move some lights or whatever.

Was that Gabe Saporta that just passed the buses? I haven't seen him a while.

Was he supposed to be here?

I watch him make his way to Fall Out Boy's bus and a minute later Pete is out of the door and they are talking animatedly. I get a better look at both their faces and yep, that is definitely Gabe Saporta. What the hell is he doing here? Does he have some solo shit that he was talking about that he's performing? He's not here with Cobra. Last I heard they were done. I would go ask but there's the problem of me being in a female roadie's body. I kind of just stare at them awkwardly from where I am seated outside our bus and try to figure out what Saporta is doing at Band Camp.

Pete is so short. It's actually ridiculous.

"Dude," Gabe's looking right at me now, breaking off their conversation randomly, "that roadie looks like Ryan Ross. Like she's got Ryan's hippie dippy shit going on."

"Hi?" I wave just to let him know I can hear everything he is saying. My "hippie dippy shit?" What the hell is that supposed to mean?

"Yeah you. You look like Ryan Ross threw up on you." Gabe says.

"What the fuck does that mean?" I get up and cross to where they are standing.

"I don't know, you're wearing a bunch of seventies shit man."

"Skinny jeans were more fifties but I'll forgive you for not knowing." I inform him.

"I'm pretty sure Ryan has that same shirt." Pete jumps in. "Just so you know."

I do not have this shirt thank you.

"This is a girls shirt guys." I point out.

"I still wouldn't put it past Ryan." Pete retorts. "Or Brendon either." He adds. "I'm pretty sure Brendon has worn girls jeans before."

"That's because he has a huge ass." Gabe says.

"So did you guys recently start screening new roadies on their clothes or am I just lucky? Has your talent gone down that much over the years that you have to distract everyone with fashion or some shit?" I fire back at Pete.

"Ooh she's feisty." Gabe smirks. "What is your name? Just so I know who I can call if I need somebody to insult Pete Wentz?"

"What? Because you can't think of your own? And it's Kristen."

He eyes Pete. "You guys should keep her around."

"Well you've impressed Gabe Saporta." Pete tells me.

"From what I have seen of Saporta, he's easily impressed." I say coolly.

That makes Pete laugh a little.

"Damn, let me live girl!" Gabe says overdramatically. And then he adds something I do not understand in Spanish.

"Should I? You guys insulted me first."

"You really should keep her around Wentz."

_ _ _

KRISTEN

I'm staring at the ceiling of Brendon's guest room in the dark from under the comforter. Today was the first day of my first ever tour.  
Seeing Ryan's house in person did help take a little bit of the sting off of missing my first day of my first ever tour. And hearing that Ryan totally scored me some points with Pete Wentz and Gabe Saporta helps too. Brendon told me about how Ryan said Gabe Saporta said I looked like Ryan threw up on me and how Ryan was a sarcastic little shite to them and impressed them both. I can be a sarcastic little shite too so at least I have something going for me.

Another thirty minutes soon goes by and I am still not asleep.

I think I'm gonna take a field trip to the pool. 

I throw my legs over the side of bed and pull Ryan's shirt off so I am left in boxer briefs when I stand up and head for the bathroom and grab a towel. Then I cut by the front door and through the living room and out the back. I'm only in the water for a few minutes when Brendon pops out of the studio. I didn't think he was working right now.

"Havin' a late night?" I greet.

"What are you doing in my pool at one in the morning?" He nearly jumps a foot in the air, not expecting anyone to be outside his studio.

"Bein' in a pool. What else would I be doin'? There is a wall and like a shit ton of trees back here so nobody is gonna see me."

"Shit... Are you wearing anything?"

"Dude. Chill it. I have underwear on. It's not a big deal."

"Fuck, don't do anything weird in there."

"You have got to chill it. I told you I'm not doin' anything weird in your boyfriend's body."

"Yeah whatever." He turns and locks the studio door.

"I can pick a lock you know." This is fun. It's probably a little mean to keep freaking him out about stuff I would never do ever but that doesn't mean it's not fun.

"Yeah and I can-"

"Brendon. I'm KIDDING. How have you not figured this out yet?" I grin.

"Yeah well, just don't stay in there all night. I mean, stay in there all night, whatever, but don't get pissed when you gotta get up and come with me to do some more shit for Band  
Camp in a couple days.”

_ _ _

Well I’m finally here. Yesterday was so long with all the last minute prep shit.

Band Camp. 

My first tour.

I’m happy to be back in the desert. Not that I wasn’t near the desert in California but I’m talking about my desert. In Arizona. It’s so much prettier.

Nothing could ruin this except the fact that all three of us are in the back lounge of the Fall Out Boy bus trying to convince Pete Wentz that I am actually in Ryan’s body and that the person that appears to be me is not me at all.

“So am I being punked or something? How the hell did this happen again? Fuck my band. Do they even have Punked anymore?”

“I don’t think so.” I answer even though he probably wasn’t looking for one. “But seriously, we’re telling the truth.”

“That’s not funny Ryan.”

“I’m not Ryan. I’m Kristen Ashmore. I’m just stuck in Ryan’s body because of a stupid shooting star gif on tumblr-“

“That’s not funny.” He repeats.

“Pete, she’s not fucking around with you.” Ryan cuts in, in my voice of course.

“Is this supposed to be this tour’s roadie prank?”

“Pete. For fuck’s sake!” Ryan snaps.

“Okay. I’ll play along. Ryan,” He looks at where Ryan is standing in another one of my vintage shirts and jackets that he makes me pull off way too well, “you remember being on tour in 2007 right?”

“Who the fuck doesn’t remember 2007?” I snort before I can stop myself. 2007 Pete Wentz. Come on.

I get a pointed look shot in my direction before he turns back to Ryan. Ryan nods.

“Okay, then there are things you would know that she wouldn’t if you’re who you say you are.”

He takes a few minutes to compose his thoughts and then there is a series of five questions for me. And they are about events and things that I would have no way of knowing about because I was in sixth grade in 2007 and I'm not Ryan. They are things only Ryan and Brendon would know about. They are questions that Ryan wouldn’t have ever thought to tell me the answers to at any point ever. They aren’t even interesting. They wouldn’t have come up in conversation with either Ryan or Brendon. They are things that were never mentioned in interviews. They are just vague parts of memories of being behind the scenes of a tour that you wouldn’t know about unless you were there and had shared them with him. Pete has thought these questions through very thoroughly.

“I think it’s obvious I have no idea what you’re talking about Pete.” I am over this. It's getting so old. “Ask him.” I point to Ryan.

Ryan answers everything right.

“Well now you being a sarcastic shit to me and Saporta yesterday makes sense.” He says to Ryan kind of slowly. “What the fuck is going on?!”


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's kind of sad to go back and end this adventure...

5

KRISTEN

"So how we fix it?" Pete asks. The reality of what’s going on seems to hit him all over again. "Fuck... I can't believe I am even aski... What the fuck is going on?! How did you even-"

"Ryan gives me my cellphone and I find that dumb ass gif and he makes the wish that we switch back." I explain. "We've both been asking the same shit you are for the past three days."

"Then do it if it's that simple."

"I am. That's why we're here. But I need my phone Ryan."

When Ryan gives it to me I quickly log into tumblr mobile. I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say how stressful the two or so minutes it takes me to find the shooting star gif are. 

I hand my phone back to Ryan. "Go ahead. Make the switch."

It's kind of sad to go back and end this adventure but it's more happy to go back to my own body because holy crap, I am not cut out to be Ryan Ross forever and he doesn't deserve to be stuck in my body forever. 

I listen to him say he wishes that he goes back to his respective body and I go back to mine.

We both wait.

And wait.

And wait.

Nothing happens.

I feel a pit of sickness in my stomach. Ryan looks like he's about to throw up. Well, Brendon kind of looks that way too. Pete I think is still processing what is actually going so it doesn't really have any effect on him.

"Clearly we're not switching back today." I am reluctant to say it and I wish I didn't have to say it but I say it. My voice shakes.

_ _ _

 

RYAN

"Ryan."

"Go away." I snap. I been throwing up for the past few minutes in the cramped bathroom of Fall Out Boy's bus. Brendon's stuck in here with me. I have long hair now. Somebody has to hold it back.

"Ryan, don't freak out, I-" Kristen starts.

I lose it. "HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO NOT FREAK OUT! THERE IS A TEENAGER IN MY BODY! I'M IN A TEENAGER'S BODY! THE THING THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO GET US OUT OF   
THIS DIDN'T WORK! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THIS TO ME! HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO-"

I feel even more undone upon hearing my female voice again. Oh shit. I guess it's good she's cutting me off again. I heave again but there can't be anything left to come up.

I'm never getting my body back.

No. That thought brings more up.

"I think we can still switch." She says calmly. I can tell she's not really calm but just trying to stay calm but how the hell can anyone stay calm?! "I've been sitting here thinking about it while everyone has been freaking out. I've been freaking out too but I think we can still switch. This is a two week festival. Fall Out Boy is here for the first week and you were scheduled for near the end of the first week which makes the day you perform exactly one week from when we switched. I think what we did wrong is we didn't wish to switch back on the same day that the switch happened on. We can have Brendon wish for us to switch the day you're supposed to perform."

_ _ _

"Dude look at that."

We are all standing with Gabe two days later on a one hundred five degree desert afternoon. Me and Brendon and the rest of Fall Out Boy. Thank fuck for dry heat and no humidity.  
A couple afternoons ago Kristen and I tried to switch back. It didn't work. After puking my guts out we came to the conclusion that we tried to switch on the wrong day and that we needed to have Brendon wish us back to normal the day I perform. I spent most of that night in my bunk in the roadie bus worrying and hoping that we're right. It isn't much better two days later but I have to hope.

We are all looking a large desert beetle on one of Fall Out Boy's amps. We get the same kind in Vegas and they are really annoying. We get them and spiders and scorpions. The spiders and scorpions like to infest houses.

"That's horrifying." Pete says.

"Dude that is not horrifying." Gabe scoffs. "In Uruguay you get spiders the size of your fucking head."

"Oh yeah? Then get rid of it." Pete challenges.

"No way. Just because I have seen bigger bugs doesn't mean I want to touch it."

"This is just like the spider incident all over again." Pete notes.

"Just move and I'll get the thing." Patrick is over the drama over this bug. 

"You aren't gonna kill it are you?"

Well that's Andy the vegan, concerned even for this beetle.

"No I'm not gonna kill it. I'm gonna move it." Patrick pushes past them and is about to brush it off the amp when Pete stops him.

"Pete for shit's sake. If you can't handle this bug go back to the bus or some shit or this really is gonna be the spider incident all over again."

"No. Wait. Ryan," He smirks, "Go get the new girl."

 

_ _ _

 

KRISTEN

"So you guys are telling you tracked me down because of a beetle?" It's a common desert beetle too. My disbelief isn't exactly coming from the fact that I can't believe that they don't want to touch it because I have seen Fall Out Boy and Cobra's past adventures with bugs but more from the fact that I am actually being called upon right now to participate in a bug related adventure with a bunch of band members.

"I would take it as a compliment. Pete doesn't usually involve people in his bullshit until they've been around a while." Patrick rolls his eyes. "And it's even worse when Saporta is around."

"We haven't new guyed you enough yet." Pete grins. "We actually haven't new guyed you at all considering it was Ross that was being a little shit the other day."

"So can you get rid of that?" He says pointedly.

Everyone's grinning because whether I want to or not, I clearly hesitate. I'm definitely not afraid of this bug but that doesn't mean I like having to mess with them. But just because   
I don't want to mess with them doesn't mean I would run screaming out of the room from them either.

"Okay." I start for the massive beetle. "I'm not street but I do what I gotta do."

"Girl you are the farthest thing from street!" Gabe informs me.

"Did I claim I was street? Were you not listening?" I sass back. "I just said I'm NOT street but I do what I gotta do."

"Don't new guy this!" Pete calls from the sidelines as I go for the beetle again.

I reach the amp and take a deep breath. I struggle to let the beetle crawl up on to my hand but I manage it.

"Dude are you touching that thing?" Pete looks even more disgusted at the bug.

I wiggle my hand in his direction.

Pete Wentz visibly steps back. "Not the realm of danger I'm into. Seriously, get rid of that thing."

"You sure you don't want to hold it?" I simper.

"Get rid of it." My boss orders. "That's gross."

"Okay." I grin and make my way out of the stage area.

"Don't kill it." Andy calls after me.

So much for new guying me.


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I glare at the both of them. "Do you know how I feel right now?"
> 
> "Yeah, I do actually Ryan. You're in my body. I deal with it every month-"

6

KRISTEN

"So, did you ruin my good underwear?"

I'm alone in the bunks of the roadie bus with Ryan who is laying down and extremely uncomfortable right now, poor boy, going through my all my clothes and looking for blood stains. Maybe I will be able to save them if I go and scrub them fast enough. He called his phone and demanded that Brendon let him talk to me and asked me why the hell I didn't warn him it was my time of the month and all this other crap at like three in the morning. I told him to get a pad and figure it out and take his hormonal ass back to bed. I'm just glad he was smart enough to know how to use one or at least read the directions on the box and I didn't have to walk him through it like this was wikiHow or some crap.

"What?!"

"It's a simple question Ryan. When it started this morning, did you get blood all over my clothes?"

"I caught it before it got all over the sheets. Shit, I thought I had pissed myself or something and then I realized it was your period. Why the fuck didn't you tell me it was coming?!"

"I was hoping it wouldn't come until the last second in a couple days.” I admit. I was hoping that to be honest but I'm not about to complain that Ryan has my period at the moment I don't have to deal with it yet. “After we switched back. I didn’t think it would be here until at least tomorrow or else I would have warned you. Now what underwear were you wearing and did you change them and get a pad? Crap, you did pack them for me right? I put them on my list-"

"I packed them. I have female friends Kristen. I'm not stupid."

"How should I know? You're a guy. You've never actually had to go through it. And seriously, what underwear were you wearing? Cute underwear is not cheap."

"They were plain black."

"Not the lace ones, right?"

"No."

I exhale. I spent money on my lacy underwear. Like a lot. The pair he's talking about though, I don't care about. Those can get bloody.

I turn back to the rest of my clothes and nightwear. "What were you sleeping in? Is there blood on it?"

"The gray sweats. There is a little bit of blood on the inside but they just need washed. It didn't stain the outside. I got out of them fast enough. There is no blood on anything else-"

"Are you sure Ryan?"

"I'm sure. Now can you go?” His voice is impatient. “And turn the light out. I've got a massive headache and my back hurts like fuck. I'd like to sleep before I have to go get ready for tonight."

I stuff my clothes back into my bags and start digging for midol and ibuprofen. I know what he's dealing with. I tend to get back pain that's worse than the cramps when I get my period. He's so lucky we're switching tonight or he would have to deal with a week of this.

I find the meds and drop them on his stomach. "Take those and fucking change your pads out every few hours. I don't need toxic shock syndrome." 

I shut my bunk's curtain, leaving him to his feminine problems. "Have fun."

_ _ _

RYAN

"How are you feeling today, Ryan?" Pete's giving me a knowing grin as I join him and Kristen. It's extremely annoying and he's lucky that I don't punch him out. 

We're near the main stage, in one of the prep tents and there are roadies swarming everywhere from a bunch of different bands. The rest of Fall Out Boy is running around in the corner of my eye doing whatever and giving instructions to people.

I spent most of the afternoon either curled up in a ball trying to sleep which didn't happen or in weird positions in Kristen's bunk. I think I spent fifteen minutes with my ass in the air and my hand pressed into my stomach looking like a complete idiot while trying to get rid of these stupid cramps. All while bleeding all over myself.

"Fuck. You." I mouth at him.

Pete bursts out laughing. "I can't believe she wished to switch bodies with you during her time of the month! I mean no offense Kristen, Meagan really goes through it every month, it sucks, but this is funny!"

"No offense taken. It is funny."

I glare at the both of them. "Do you know how I feel right now?"

"Yeah, I do actually Ryan. You're in my body. I deal with it every month-"

"That's obvious Kristen." I snap back. I was mainly talking to Pete but I'm not too pleased with her either. This isn't funny. "Sorry for being angry but your back wants me dead I think. You don't know how many times today I have thought about banging my head against the wall to get rid of-"

"Better women than you have done the same thing. Doesn't work Ryan." She interrupts.

I rail road over her. "Fuck this shit. I feel like I'm fourteen. All I can think about is eating and getting off but I can't do either because the thought of eating makes me sick and I can't get off because I'm in your body and it would be fucking weird and gross!"

"The joy of being a woman." She intones.

"I didn't ask for this!" I bite back. "You did! You made that stupid wish!"

"Oh cheer up Ryan." Pete smirks, "You only have to be a lady until Brendon gets over here to wish you guys back to normal. So take your midol and chill. Every woman has this shit every month. You only have to deal with it for like, another hour. So go get some guitars and shit and put them where they belong."

Oh Brendon better hurry up and get himself together and get here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I maybe couldn't resist giving Ryan a little period trouble while in Kristen's body. He is body swapped with a chick after all.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm happy Brendon is about to tell him and I don't have to.

7

 

RYAN

I am sitting on an amp, my head down and my arms folded tightly around my knees. This is as close to the ball I would like to be curling into right now as I can get. I didn't realize how hard it is to lift and move guitars with back cramps like this, or how sick it makes you feel. I must look really bad because Patrick actually told me to sit down around fifteen minutes ago. You can always count on Patrick Stump not to be an asshole.

Where the hell is Brendon? I would really, really like to be a man again. I have had enough of having a period for a lifetime.

Maybe he is in the tent already and I am just not hearing him or something. I look up. No luck at all. I put my head back against my knees.

Where is he? I swear he needs to get here and switch us back because I don't think it's gonna be much longer before I'm sick all over Kristen's shoes, or even worse, the next person who approaches me. It'll probably be Pete or someone. I'd be that lucky. It would kind of serve him right though for the bullshit from earlier.

It would serve Joe right too for the dumb ass comment about me feeling hormonal today when Patrick saw me nearly throw up on an amp. Joe is lucky he ran away as fast as he did. I happen to know they don't treat their girls like this. Why am I different?

F. I probably look like a hot mess. I am so sweaty. I feel so sick.

"Ryan... oh my God... are you okay? Is it that bad? Having her-" 

Brendon. About time you decided to show up.

"Do I look okay?! Yes. Her period is that bad Brendon!" Okay. Fine. Snapping at him is probably uncalled for but I can't bring myself to apologize even though I really should. "Where is she?!" I demand.

"I have no idea."

Shit. "Can you go find her, please?" I say impatiently.

"I'm right here." I hear my voice tell me. "Patrick and Pete told me to go ahead and move your shit over here Ryan. So kind of had to go do that. But it is over here."

"Great. Now find Brendon that gif so he can switch us and I can stop having your period."

 

KRISTEN

I dig my phone out of Ryan's leather jacket. "You got it," I tell Ryan probably a little too cheerfully after he orders me to find the gif that will give me my period back.

Maybe I am just in denial that I am about to have the world's worst back cramps. I start singing as I go through my tumblr account.

"She said don't. Don't let it go to your head. Boys like you are a dime a dozen. Boys like you are a dime a dozen, she said. You're a touch overr-"

"Really?"

"What?" I turn around and ask Patrick who has walked up behind me and just interrupted me, glancing up from my phone.

"It's just kind of weird to hear Ryan Ross singing Taking Back Sunday." He looks like he is about to start laughing.

"Well, you won't hear it anymore if she ever finds that damn gif," Ryan mutters. I think if he gets any more annoyed he may have a meltdown.

"Relax Ryan. I'm working on it. It's right here. Brendon, do you wanna-"

Brendon leans over my phone and wishes us back to normal before I can finish the sentence.

I feel back pain. Wow, I hate my life right now.

I subconsciously move my hand to soothe my lower back but that's not my shirt.

That's not my shirt. That's Ryan's black shirt and belt and leather jacket.

"Thank effing Christ that's over," Ryan mutters, voice flooded with the relief of not having cramps anymore.

"Um... Ryan?"

I'm happy Brendon is about to tell him and I don't have to.

"What?" My face comes into view. "Oh. No. Fuck no!" He swears. "Fuck. Shit. I will not-"

"Ryan. I think it worked."

"I'm still in your body Kristen."

"I know but do you feel like shit anymore?"

"No..." He says thoughtfully when a long minute passes, realizing I am right.

"Exactly. Thanks for that by the way-"

"It's your period! Not mine!"

I ignore him. "And it is still early. The sun is just getting ready to set. I made the stupid wish way after dark. So we'll probably go back to normal sometime during the night."

"Well, when? Because you go on after us, Ryan." Patrick points out.

Crap. I don't know Ryan's new songs. I also can't play guitar worth shit. Or anything for that matter. And I tried learning when I was younger.  
I tell them as much. "I can't play the guitar! I suck!"

"Maybe Ryan can play it from your body," Brendon suggests. "Like lip synching. Except with guitars. His guitar will be plugged in. Yours won't be."

"What?!" Ryan nearly shouts.

"Ryan. It's kind of the only choice you have if you don't switch by the time Fall Out Boy gets off."

Ryan rubs his forehead. He sighs a long sigh. "Why would you do this Kristen?" He asks for the millionth time.

"Well. You guys better figure something out." Patrick tells us. He retrieves the sound blocking ear canal pieces from the pocket of his jeans and puts one into his left ear. "I gotta go." He puts the other in his right ear as he walks off out of the tent to where the rest of his band will be behind the main stage.

"Shit... You do know my newer songs, right? And the stuff from The Young Veins? Right?" Ryan asks anxiously.

"That I can help you with." I grin. "I know everything."

"Then you're gonna have to sing if we don't go back to our bodies. Damn, I really hope we go back to our bodies by the time Pete and everyone get back..."

Holy damn.

I might be going on stage as Ryan Ross.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "PETE NO!"

8

 

KRISTEN

 

"So you're going on stage as Ryan? You guys still aren't-"

"Yeah. Yeah, Pete. She is! Can you just help us synch guitars and shit?" Ryan hisses under his breath. And then he hisses in an even lower whisper: "And find me somewhere to hide so nobody thinks I actually have no talent and have been faking being able to play guitar all these years!"

"I'll go get Joe to help you out with the guitars and shit. And I think we can put you in the pitch black area with the amps and curtains behind the stage wings. It's so dark back there people won't see shit. Me and Patrick and Hurley can keep everyone from coming near there while she's on as you." Pete tells Ryan and rushes off to get Joe and when they get back they all move Ryan's stuff and conceal my body to where it can't be seen at lightning speed. It's good there are wires and amps and instruments everywhere. Ryan and his guitar wires aren't noticeable at all because of them. They are perfectly camouflaged in the mess of everything else.

I can't even see Ryan when he starts hissing at me again. "You better be a convincing actress. You better not mess up my lyrics. You can't destroy my career-"

"Ryan. Chill-"

"Don't tell me to fucking chill. This is my damn job on the line-"

"Ryan." I cut him off. We both still aren't daring to speak above whispers. Nobody is near us except for Fall Out Boy because they are all too busy with their respective jobs to pay attention to us and you couldn't see me anyway, it isn't possible, but you can never be too safe. "I know how you act on stage. I have seen you like once when you were with Panic! when I was thirteen and then I saw you a couple times when you toured for The Young Veins when I was fourteen and fifteen. And then I saw you at emo night that one time. You have nothing to worry about."

"Ryan, you got like two minutes." Pete is tapping me on the shoulder.

Shit.

There goes my nerve. I think it just hit me that I could actually potentially end Ryan's career. It is very possible. How the hell am I gonna be convincing enough? What if someone finds Ryan? Why did I think I could do this? Who am I?

"I think I'm gonna be sick."

I think I'm gonna puke. Also, my back pain is slowly getting worse. Couldn't think of a better time to go on stage at a gigantic music festival and pretend to be world famous Ryan Ross.

"Fuck." I hear Ryan groan.

"You really don't have time for that. I don't think Ryan is pulling out after all of this so put your ear plugs in and come on." Pete says and I clearly don't have a choice here.

"Just go out there, act like you know what you're doing, ignore them, and say your lines. And don't throw up all over the stage and the mosh. You're gonna be fine."

 

_ _ _

 

God. It is hot under stage lights. Why did nobody tell me? I know they all say things like that all the time in behind the scenes stuff but why is it so hot right now? They're not kidding about getting sweaty just standing around. Why the hell does Ryan wear jackets on stage all the time? Why the hell is Pete always wearing a hoodie?

I breathe through my nose and try to get a greeting out. 

Luckily, everyone takes my short lack of a decent greeting as Ryan's general endearing awkwardness and everyone goes fricking nuts over it. It's nice pretty much not having any idea what is going on and what to do and having everyone find you adorable. It really is.

Then, too soon for me, I have to get into the first song. I make myself announce it.

Music starts.

"The Other Girl."

I know this.

I try to gulp in the air without being noticeable as I try desperately to pantomime the correct hand movements for the song's intro that Ryan is playing right now.

I can do this. I hope I can remember the set list.

I am so lucky this is not being filmed. Ryan would be fucked I think. And it would be my fault.

I need to stop focusing on disaster. 

I steel myself and focus on the desert. I focus on the ton of people in front of me. The stars in the dark blue sky. The many stars that are unobstructed by the city's light pollution. I focus on opening my mouth for the first lines of this song.

Three songs later and nobody has announced that I am lip syncing. Nobody is screaming about Ryan being a fraud. I have gotten through "The Other Girl", "I'm Down", and "Maybe I Will, Maybe I Won't" and nobody has started yelling that Ryan is a fraud who can't actually play guitar.

I think this might actually work.

I'm starting to have fun.

This is such a rush.

The crowd pours energy into you.

I can see why people who do this for a living are so passionate about it.

It's a high.

Ryan transitions into "You're Invited" for me.

I can't believe the feelings I am having.

 

_ _ _

 

I am back in my own body. 

I was just finishing "Change" but now I'm back in my own body.

I'm back in my own body! It has taken a moment for me to register that but I am back in my own body! My girly body!

My girly body with all its menstrual pain. I take this heavy ass guitar off my shoulders.

I have gotta get some ibuprofen.

I've got to get out of Ryan's hiding place first.

"Joe!" I try to keep my voice at a level that it can be heard but that it can't be heard too. My voice sounds almost alien after being in Ryan's body and not my own for so long and just hearing his voice whenever I would talk to someone.

"Pete!"

"Plug my guitar in!" Ryan says hurriedly and hushed, right next to where I am.

"What?" I hear them ask.

"Plug my guitar in! Hurry up! I'm me again!"

"Shit!"

One of them starts messing with the guitars.

"Guys. Come on. I need to go back out there!"

When Ryan is gone I am slowly and carefully pulled from the amp enclosure. Pete and Joe try to conceal me with their bodies the best they can.

"Not bad," Pete tells me. "For the first time on stage. I think Ryan might be safe."

"I'm still gonna be sick," I say back. I am though, I think. 

"Go drink something." He says.

I do. Mentally exhausted I watch Ryan from the wings as he shows off his new writing - which is nothing less than awesome by the way and I'm so happy I get to see it in person, like you have no idea how thrilled I am - and slowly drink two bottles of water.

 

_ _ _

 

"Never again." 

Those are the first words Ryan speaks to me when he gets done and comes backstage. He says this to me before he even grabs water.

"Don't do it again." He repeats.

He means the gif.

I nod.

"I'm serious. Don't do it again, Kristen."

I nod. "I won't."

"Good."

 

END?

 

 

 

I am sitting out in the canyons with Brendon, Ryan, Fall Out Boy, Gabe Saporta, and a few other friends of theirs. It's been a few hours since Ryan and I switched back so it's pretty late at night. We're all chilling around a fire and everyone has been drinking. I had a boatload of ibuprofen so I'm feeling okay and warm. Ryan is clearly happy to be able to show his boyfriend affection again. Brendon has had an arm around him and Ryan has been resting his head against his shoulder since we got out here.

Pete told me I needed to come hang out with everyone because "we still haven't heard what you did in Ryan's body for like a week and I am sure Ryan wants to know and I am sure you want to know what Ryan was doing in yours."

So here I am. Ryan and I have been spilling all the details of our unfortunate body switch.

"I can't believe a fucking tumblr gif did all of this." Pete says. He's right next to me and it is obvious he is trying not to laugh again. "A fucking tumblr gif!"

He pulls his phone out.

"This fucking shooting star gif!" He waves his phone around, the dangerous gif on the screen.

Did he just nudge me? Nah, I'm imagining things. Probably an accident.

"You're telling me if I were to say "I wish to switch bodies with Kristen Ashmore-"

"PETE NO!"

Ryan and I are too late. The sentence has already left his mouth.

Not again. Not again. Not again. I pray. My blood is cold in my veins.

Nothing happens, thank fuck nothing happens because I don't think I could handle all that again, but I feel the slightest nudge for the second time.

I get it.

I try to keep my face straight. I think the shakiness I feel from relief will work for me.

"Uh guys. What the fuck?!" I demand. I hope my expression is the correct one for this but it probably is considering Pete Wentz just scared the ever loving crap out of me.

"Why the fuck would you do that Pete?!" Pete shouts at me. "You knew what would happen! You saw what just happened to me and Ryan!"

Everyone looks extremely freaked right now. Like too freaked to say anything. This is great.

They all can't even talk. It's a miracle but I keep the act up.

"I wasn't even looking at the fucking thing! I didn't even mean it! Why the fuck?! How the fuck am I in your body!" I scream back.

"Are you guys like?" Patrick is the first to break the worried silence, uncertain. He looks at me. "Pete? Are you?"

I grin.

"Nope." Pete bursts out laughing.

"Fuck you." Patrick says.

That makes Pete laugh even harder.

Ryan exhales. "Just get rid of that stupid gif."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's the end of the great Ryan/Fan body switch. I hope you guys laughed at least a little during this fic. And you know I couldn't end it without Pete trolling everyone. :)


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